But I don't wanna...

The hardest thing about coming back from total laziness for me is getting moving. Its not the motivation, its the first step out the door.

In the last year I cannot tell you how many times I have been motivated to get back out there. I have had many, many days where I actually put on my running clothes because I was SO motivated and this time I am gonna do it!! Shorts, shirt, running shoes. Everything right down to actually putting my Garmin on my wrist and grabbing a bondiband. I was ready to go but rarely left the house.

I have so much motivation I can taste it so that isn't the problem for me. I don't talk myself out it, I don't lose momentum. I just stop. I sit on the couch or start doing something around the condo. Anything but go out that door and I tell myself that its ok.

That ends now.

I have joined a group that is keeping track of miles with the goal of 1,000 this year. I have started making dates, written in ink, to meet with friends and run. Or walk. Hell, if I get out there and crawl I will be happy. Just so long as I get out there. Motivation isn't what I lack, its not what gets me out the door. For me its accountability and I am going to make myself as accountable as I can to as many people as I can.

Anything that gets me out that door. Tomorrow I have a running date and I am excited and terrified and motivated but the best thing is that I am accountable.

Where did it go...

I just realized that it has been a year since I started this blog and other than a few minutes ago it had also been a year since I posted. Its funny to me that the post I did earlier was about not posting.

In the last year I have ran but only sporadically. I have completed races as well, but not as many as I wanted to complete. I have earned medals, sometimes by the skin of my teeth. I have made plans and watched those plans disappear like smoke in the wind. Lots of changes, none of which made it as a blog entry. Lots of emotions running amok and a few moments where I didn't feel anything at all. I couldn't say if those moments were good or bad memories at this point. I wonder where it all went, 2010 flew by and I couldn't honestly say that I accomplished anything. That saddens me greatly and I am determined to not let that pattern continue. I guess we will see where my determination will take me.

I am optimistic

Ummm yeah

This blog is tough! I give big props to the people who maintain their blogs. I can't seem to do it! What is really weird to me about that is... I love to write! Yet somehow my love of writing doesn't seem to want to come out for my blog. Maybe its that I forget that it's here? I have to wonder if I would post more if I had a reminder of some sort so I have decided to set up an 'alarm' sort of thing to remind me to blog. At this time I have one follower and honestly, I don't know who he is and once he sees this post he may unsubscribe but that is ok and I have no ill thoughts about that because right now this is for me.

Start again again

I started a blog once before. I was just starting to run and had high hopes and a ton of questions lol. I also didn't post often and I don't know that this blog will be any better but I am going to try. I am also going to keep this one to myself for a little bit. If anyone finds it on their own and wants to follow then that would be great but I am not going to worry about it either way.

About a year and a half ago I got tired of talking about getting in shape and decided to do whatever I had to in order to actually be in shape. I started eating healthier, this began with my cutting out all fast food and soda and grew to a point where the majority of my meals were homemade, good for me and quite yummy if I do say so myself. I also started moving. I have always been something of a walker but I decided to turn my enjoyment of walking into something more. I read all the information I could find and decided on a training program that transitioned from walking to running. Its a great program and I recommend it for anyone who is interested in running in a safe and healthy way, here is the website. There was great success with the program and I started running more and from there I started working out more and so forth. I continued to learn as much as I could about running and general health. I started doing races and was planning on a Half Marathon. Then it happened.

I stopped.

There were many factors in the stopping and I could spend weeks writing them out here but it would just end the same. I stopped. Everything. I didn't run, I didn't eat healthy, there was no exercise at all. Most of my meals were fattening and I started eating fast food again. Its like I woke up one day and said to myself, 'none of that stuff is important, just ignore it' and I did. I lost everything that was important to me about who I was.

We all have traits or even quirks about ourselves that we like and sometimes love. Mine was being strong, physically and mentally. I want that person back and am going to fight to find her. It isn't going to be easy but I believe that the things worth having most are worth fighting for and I am ready.
Enough slacking
Enough excuses
No more laziness
No more 'maybe I'll start tomorrows'
Enough

And BTW, I did do the Half Marathon but that is a story for another time

Today- Wave workout 40 mins- sweated my butt off and realized I had lost my center of gravity and my core strength, humbling